You Can Lie but I Know That Youre Not Fine

Stepping into someone's reality isn't the aforementioned as lying

Honesty isn't  always the best policy when it comes to someone with Alzheimer's or dementia .

That's because their brain may feel a unlike version of reality.

Dementia damages the brain and causes progressive decline in the ability to understand and procedure information.

That's why forcing someone to abandon their version of reality and join our "existent world" can cause defoliation, pain, anxiety, fear, and anger .

So, dementia care experts often recommend a technique called therapeutic fibbing . It helps you pace into their electric current reality and spare them unnecessary upset and distress.

This technique takes some getting used to considering going along with your older adult'southward new reality can feel like you're lying to them.

But using white lies to validate their feelings and reassure them is certainly not the same as lying for a malicious reason.

Nosotros explain why always telling the truth could exist cruel, how therapeutic fibbing helps you lot bring together their reality, and share 2 real-life examples of how to use therapeutic fibs to provide condolement and reassurance.

Telling the truth could be cruel

Almost of us are taught from a young age that any kind of lying is horrible and quack, especially lying to family and anyone we care almost and respect.

So when we hear about using therapeutic fibbing to prevarication to someone with dementia, it might seem cruel and wrong at offset.

Simply always sticking to the truth, especially about an emotional subject or something little, is more likely to cause your older adult pain, confusion, and distress.

That happens because dementia prevents people from properly processing and retaining information.

Plus, having short-term memory bug ways they'll probably soon forget the conversation, so information technology will come up once again.

Telling the truth each time forces them to experience fresh distress over and over over again.

Is it necessary to cause them so much distress, especially when the truth yous tell them is likely to be misunderstood or quickly forgotten?

Therapeutic fibbing helps yous step into their reality

An effective manner to step into your older adult's reality is to employ therapeutic fibbing .

Information technology ways agreeing or saying things that are not true to avoid causing someone distress and to make them feel safe and comforted.

In many means, this technique is similar to telling a friend that yous beloved the thoughtful souvenir they gave yous, even if you don't really similar it. Telling the accented truth in that case doesn't change the state of affairs and would only hurt your friend's feelings.

Here are 2 examples that illustrate the difference between being completely truthful and using therapeutic fibbing.

While your specific situations will exist different, the same principles of gently going along with their reality and finding a distraction volition utilise.

Example 1
Being completely truthful
Your mom: School is over. My mommy is coming to selection me up now. I need to go exterior to wait for her!

You lot: You're 89 years old. You haven't been to school in decades. And don't y'all remember that your mom died 25 years ago? You don't need to go outside because she's non coming to pick you upwardly.

Your mom: What? What do you hateful my mom is dead? No! She can't be dead!! I saw her this morning time! She told me she would pick me up!!! I need to get outside to expect!! (She's crying, agitated, and screaming.)

Using therapeutic fibbing
Your mom: School is over. My mommy is coming to pick me up now. I demand to go outside to look for her!

Yous: Oh yep, it's well-nigh time to get. Your mom asked me to give you a snack outset and then you won't get hungry on the way home. Let'due south have some juice and crackers while nosotros wait.

Your mom: Ok, I'll have a snack.

You: Use this lark as an opportunity to occupy her with the snack and a fun activeness until she lets become of or forgets virtually the thought of her mother picking her upwardly.

Instance 2
Existence completely true
Your spouse: I need to get to work now. I'm already late.

You lot: What do you hateful? You don't accept a job. You lot retired 20 years ago. And remember, you lot have Alzheimer'due south now. Stop trying to go out.

Your spouse: Why would you lot say that!? You're lying and trying to keep me prisoner ! Why are you trying to stop me! I'm leaving, get out of my way! (They're angry, agitated, and banging things effectually.)

Using therapeutic fibbing
Your spouse: I need to go to work at present. I'chiliad already late.

You (proffer 1): That's right, I almost forgot. Well we can't have y'all going off without a skillful breakfast. Don't worry, you take enough of time, I forgot to alter the clock afterward the time change.

Requite them a meal if it's the right timing or a snack/beverage if it'south not. While they consume, have a pleasant conversation about a topic they relish to distract them from the idea of going to piece of work. Or, when they're distracted enough from eating, talk about an enjoyable activeness you lot'll do together when they finish eating to set up the adjacent transition.

You (proposition 2): That'due south right, I virtually forgot. Permit's get your jacket, it's a bit chilly today, and brand certain your luncheon is packed. Here, I'll assist.

Gently lead them to get their jacket and observe a pleasant distraction along the mode: wait out the window and beginning talking almost the birds, stop in front of  a partially completed fun activeness similar a puzzle, stop for a potable of water, etc. When they're engaged in something else and become distracted, they're likely to let get of the idea of going to work.

Recommended for you:

• eight Ways to Deal with False Dementia Accusations
• 3 Ways to Answer When Someone with Alzheimer's Says I Want to Go Home
• How to Talk to Someone with Alzheimer's: Use Short, Straight Sentences

By DailyCaring Editorial Team

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Source: https://dailycaring.com/why-experts-recommend-lying-to-someone-with-dementia/

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